


Those That We Knew

by mewsomniac



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Destiny Islands (Kingdom Hearts), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Kingdom Hearts References, M/M, Mentioned Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Mutual Pining, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Riku & Roxas Friendship (Kingdom Hearts), Riku In Love (Kingdom Hearts), Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sad Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewsomniac/pseuds/mewsomniac
Summary: This was who Riku was: His smile could steal you away in the dead of night, then return you unharmed in the early dawn. He was all fair skin, and sparkling eyes, and silver tresses. He was like the moon hanging over the ocean, like the cresting sun peeking over the horizon. This was the Riku that Roxas had caught glimpses of. This was the Riku that Roxas wanted to know.This was who Roxas was: He glowed like midsummer sun pressing into sunset. His eyes were deeper than the ocean and could see right through you, all your possible guises, and down into who you truly are. He had stubbornness nearing the strength of mountains, but still retaining kindness as soft and warm as a summer’s breeze. This was the Roxas that Riku had admired from afar. This was the Roxas that Riku wanted to know.Together, they were strangely perfect for one another. They just hadn't realized it yet.
Relationships: Riku & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55





	Those That We Knew

**Those That We Knew**

* * *

It was the end of everything.

At least, that’s what they thought it was going to be.

It was an impending apocalypse hinging on the final battle between darkness and light… 

And they won.

Against all odds, the light prevailed and peace was restored. They were free to sheathe their Keyblades and find a new normal.

Things seemed to happen so fast after it was all over. Suddenly, they’d been swept up in their new lives, weaved together like a magic loom into a less fantastical reality. It was a realm where small keys open regular-sized doors, and the greatest conflict was who deserved the last ice cream bar. 

For those who were Nobodies, it was as if they’d never been that way at all. It was like they’d all moved away from home and had a junk food-induced fever dream on the trip over.

The lot of them were always stuffed into the Usual Spot. This time, it was an early summer afternoon, and the cramped space would have been sweltering even without the abundance of bodies. Like always, the air was full of excited, tittering voices. Today, they were planning their first summer together as a makeshift little family of friends. 

No one even heard when someone stepped inside, and not a single person noticed the timid “Um...” that emanated from their new guest.

A silver sheen caught Roxas’ eye. When he looked over, he immediately locked gazes with Riku.

His heart punched up into his throat, and it both confused and excited him. The sensations of being a whole person with unmuted feelings was almost overwhelming at times, but he adored every moment. Each day was a new layer of feeling human—of being tangible and wholly alive. A combination of this sudden contemplation of mortality and seeing Riku in the flesh was mixing a painful cocktail of emotion in him. Tears began to sting his eyes, and he did his best to painfully blink them away.

Once everything changed, Roxas hardly had a chance to speak to Riku. They didn’t even get to greet each other on that fateful day at the Keyblade Graveyard, let alone have something like a moment to mourn together. This realization curled painfully inside the former Nobody.

“Riku,” He said, and that was more than enough to redirect everyone’s attention.

Suddenly, each person was shuffling around the small space to take turns greeting the silver-haired boy. The array of voices grew more boisterous and practically rattled the walls with their mirth. Meanwhile, Roxas couldn’t dispel the swelling wave inside of him. His skin was prickling with electric unease, his throat was tight… the sensations surprised him. He thought his mourning period had been over. Had he really been holding on to so much this whole time?

Eventually, it was his turn to greet Riku. Roxas stepped forward and opened his mouth to speak, but—

“Actually, Roxas… can I talk to you outside?”

The blond’s insides leapt. It was a little surprising to see the melancholy in Riku’s expression. That determined gaze struck something deep within Roxas, and all his emotions thrummed. He nodded.

When they exited the Usual Spot, Riku turned to face him. There surprisingly wasn’t much of a temperature difference outside compared to the cramped space they’d just been in. Distantly, Roxas considered raising munny for a better air conditioner might be a good addition to their summer plans.

The two of them stood with the warmth of the town blanketing them and their shared silence suffocating them. 

A very long time ago, they stood across from one another like this: one clueless kid apologizing to a cloaked stranger. It was a time so pure and unaware that it almost hurt to think about now. He had no inkling of the absolute hell he was destined to experience, or how his entire world would just keep crashing and rebuilding itself around him. His brain must have sensed the undue stress coming on because suddenly he was thinking about the wayward stick from back then. He considered apologizing for it again, but then he also remembered Riku hucking it right back at him merely a day later. The memory almost made him chuckle.

A moment later, in a gesture that surprised Roxas, Riku opened his arms wide. The blond hesitated at first... but, that torrent of emotion began swirling inside him again. Seconds later, they were pulling one another into a tight embrace. The tears came easily to Roxas as he buried his face against Riku’s shoulder. The other boy was tall—not quite as tall as Axel, but Roxas could feel Riku’s collarbone against his forehead as he wept.

In retrospect, the situation was a little embarrassing. It was the most he’d cried in forever, it seemed. He had been holding his grief so tightly that it was breaking open from the pressure, like glass in a vice.

Finally, Roxas managed to speak between shuddering breaths, “He’s **_gone_ **.”

It was the first time he actually said it out loud. It was almost as if saying it finally made it real: Sora is **_gone_ ** . Those words were the decisive incident… the final destination… the coup de gras. It was almost a relief to finally admit it, to let the grief fall out into the open. Yet he felt guilty for it. So, **_so_ ** guilty. And shit, more than anything, he was angry. So cheated, and angry, and **_guilty_ ** … but all he could do was cry in the arms of a former-enemy-turned-sort-of-friend. He must have **_really_ **needed it, too, because it came so easily to him.

After a moment, Riku’s chin brushed against Roxas’ hair, as if he opened his mouth to speak… but no words came.

The silver-haired boy’s motion reminded Roxas of their proximity, and he awkwardly pulled himself away from the embrace.

“I’m sorry,” He swiped at his tear-soaked cheeks, “I didn’t realize how… how fucked up I am about this, still.”

Riku hung his head a little, and Roxas noticed his seafoam eyes were glassy. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been here sooner for you.”

It saddened Roxas to hear him phrase it that way. Wasn’t Riku suffering just as much, if not more than any of them? Sora was Riku’s best friend… somewhere deep down, it hurt Roxas to wonder if maybe the two had something stronger than that. Riku’s unending dedication was evident, and the intimacy shared with Sora seemed just a little closer than purely friendship. Perhaps it was a mercy that Roxas only shared Sora’s memories, but not quite his thoughts or emotions.

“You don’t have to write your own feelings off, you know,” Roxas told him.

The look Riku gave him sent a little flutter into his chest. The silver-haired boy’s expression was surprisingly tender, and his normally hard gaze had softened considerably. His smile was knowing, but Roxas wasn’t sure what of.

The boy before him seemed entirely different from the boy he’d known only briefly before. Even back at the Keyblade Graveyard, he hardly recognized Riku when they first reunited. The rage and pain that Riku once held so tightly inside seemed to have melted away, like some kind of metamorphosis of the spirit. The Riku before him now had somehow shed even more of those fraught layers. He never wanted Riku to stop looking at him this way.

Then, Riku asked, “Are you busy today?” Roxas shook his head, so Riku continued, “There’s something I want to show you. It may take all day, though. Will you come with?”

Still somewhat transfixed by his reverie, Roxas almost wanted to say _“Absolutely. Take me anywhere. I’ll go wherever you want me to.”_ Instead, he shrugged and said, “Sure.”

Roxas popped back into the Usual Spot to say his goodbyes for the day, and they took the long trek to where Riku parked the gummi ship. The ride was surprisingly brief compared to how long it felt. They spent it in almost complete silence, and with each minute that went on, Roxas’ anxiety crawled higher. He was wracked with thoughts like _Should I say something?_ and _Shouldn’t we be making small talk?_ It didn’t help that every time he looked at Riku, the other boy’s expression was placid. If Sora hadn’t fought so hard to save his life, he’d want to die. By the time they reached their destination, Roxas was so excited to get out of the ship that he didn’t even notice where they landed.

His feet touched down onto loose sand. The sun warmed his face and shoulders, and it would have been searing were it not for the cool ocean breeze rolling through. He recognized this place, though it was an area he hadn’t been to before. The other boy came to stand beside him.

“Destiny Islands?” Roxas asked.

Riku nodded and beckoned him, “Come on.”

They walked around the perimeter of the small island, the one that Sora, Riku, and Kairi had played on as children. They slipped through foliage and flora for a while until they came to one of the areas that Roxas remembered from Sora’s memories.

Riku looked back at him, “I just wanted you to know him the way I knew him.”

Admittedly, Roxas wasn’t quite sure what he meant. He knew the other boy was talking about Sora, but Roxas had actually been in the Keyblade Master’s heart. They shared memories, even. What more was there to know?

They climbed over rocks and brush, then walked toward a waterfall that was cascading into a large pool. Roxas could see the small mouth of the Secret Place. It was wreathed in shadow and seemed especially dark despite the sunshine. After they approached it, Riku crouched down to lift the foliage covering the entrance. It looked hardly big enough for either of them to pass through.

Riku gestured to the hole, “After you.”

Roxas bristled a bit, “Just… don’t look at my ass while I’m crawling in there.”

Riku’s smile dropped, and his usually calm face flushed pink. He began to splutter, “I-I wouldn’t—”

The blond cut him off with a laugh, “I’m kidding, Riku.”

Roxas dropped on all fours and crept inside as Riku kept his eyes very obviously pointed elsewhere. The blond didn’t have to crawl much, as the cave immediately opened up enough for him to stand. There was a rustle, and Riku was right behind him. They followed the gloomy path down, then came into the open space where drawings littered the dank walls. Toward the back was the door that started it all. Roxas eyed it warily, feeling weirdly afraid that any sudden movement might somehow bring it to life.

There was a gentle pressure on his back where Riku was laying a hand, “Over here.”

He was guided to a wall where an especially prevalent set of scribbles were. It was the carving Sora and Kairi had made for each other.

In his mind’s eye, Roxas could still see Sora’s hand scratching at the wall with a rock. Then, he could see Sora turning to look at the looming figure in the shadows.

It was one of the last shreds of innocence before everything had been taken away from them. It was the beginning and the end. It was one of the events that ensured their collective fate. Riku would be tied to the darkness, while Sora grasped at the light. It represented a world swallowed in blackness, a grand adventure, and a hero who vanished just as victory was found.

The drawings extended a hand toward one another, smiling and sharing the unmistakable shape of a paopu fruit. He knelt down and tentatively traced his fingertips over the textured edges. As soon as his finger touched a point on one of the stars, sadness welled back up into his throat.

“What an idiot,” He choked on the words as they tumbled out, “What a selfless **_idiot_ **.”

It hurt to breathe, suddenly. It hurt to even think. The tears came again, washing over his cheeks like summer raindrops—warm and constant. Riku crouched next to him, and he turned his face away in embarrassment. It surprised him when Riku reached forward and gently pulled his chin so they could make eye contact. Riku had tears in his eyes too, and Roxas wondered if the silver-haired hero had been grieving by himself this whole time: alone, drenched in grief, too proud to say anything, and suffering in silence because of it.

With a trembling smile, Riku said, “That’s the Sora I knew.”

But that was the Sora everyone knew. The one that saved everyone’s lives, despite the odds. The heart with kindness that ran so deep and full that even the sky would envy its vastness. It was the boy who fought on impulse, who jumped before he walked, who never let fear control him, who smiled through the pain… just like Riku was doing now.

All of a sudden, Riku pulled his hand away and wiped his own tears before they could fall. “I promise I wasn’t trying to make you even sadder.”

Roxas was grateful to be able to laugh, “Are you sure about that?”

The other boy stood and extended his hand, “Trust me,” The blond took it, but Riku didn’t let go after he lifted Roxas up. He held it all the way back up to the mouth of the Secret Place. “I didn’t bring you here to make you feel bad about Sora,” He announced, “I brought you here because I wanted to help you feel better. I wanted to spend time with you, just the two of us.”

This was certainly intriguing to Roxas. Previously, he assumed that he and Riku would maintain some kind of arms-length relationship throughout their lives. He figured their interactions would only be in times of necessity. Or brief, but amicable. The day so far had been far from that assumption.

After they exited the Secret Place, Roxas asked, “What exactly do you mean?”

“I want to know who you are. What do you like? Tell me who ‘Roxas’ is.”

It was a question Roxas himself had wondered many times. Overthinking this might send him down an existential spiral—that was one thing he knew about himself all too well. Instead, he allowed himself to speak freely.

The self he’d come to know was irritability on wheels. Quick to anger, but also quick to care. Like anyone else, he loves those long moments of nothingness where the possibilities were endless. Whether it was sitting at the tower with friends or laying in the shade, he loves those brief lapses of simplicity. It gave him time to just… exist. To be alive. To feel like a person.

When he finished explaining this, that soft expression reappeared on Riku’s face.

“That certainly sounds like the Roxas I think I know.”

The blond kicked a pebble, “And who is **_that_ **Roxas, exactly?”

After nodding thoughtfully, Riku began to lead them toward the pier. “You’re easy to piss off, but willing to forgive. Laid back, but not lazy. Loyal, but not foolish… at least, not always.”

“I guess you can learn a lot about someone just by staring at them through a computer screen.” He stuck his tongue out.

The taller boy laughed, “Right, let’s not forget that you’re a smart ass, too. That’s obvious in person or not.”

As Riku kept listing off Roxas’ traits, the latter was waiting uneasily for the clincher. He was ready for Riku to finish with, “different from Sora” or “unlike Sora” or even “similar to Sora.” That was always the clincher, it seemed. It had been that way from the moment of Roxas’ inception: he existed merely to either contrast or compliment that other blue-eyed boy.

Roxas waited and waited for Riku to mention his Somebody… and yet, it never came.

“...missing anything?”

Roxas stopped walking and blinked, “What?”

“I said, ‘That’s all I can think of for now. Am I missing anything?’”

The blond focused intently on Riku for a long while, scrutinizing the other boy with a serious gaze.

“...no.” He said, “I think our perception of ‘Roxas’ lines up pretty well.”

They left their socks and shoes at the pier and took a stroll across the beach. They stepped along the edge of the shoreline where the sand was wet, and it compacted satisfyingly beneath their steps.

“So... you cut your hair,” Roxas said.

“You only just noticed?”

Roxas rolled his eyes, “Obviously **_not_ **… I just never got a chance to say anything about it is all.”

“Do you like it, then?”

“It’s… different.”

Riku responded facetiously, “Oh, **_thanks._ **”

Roxas blushed, and used the back of his hand to playfully tap Riku on the shoulder, “You know that’s not what I mean! It looks really good on you. Especially now.” Riku arched a silver brow at him, and the tide drew up to lap at their ankles. Glancing over his shoulder, Roxas saw their footprints had vanished with the tide. “Well, when we first met, your hair seemed to fit your personality. You didn’t want people to get close, you had a mission, and nothing was going to get in the way of it. Now, you look so… free. Like cutting it all off freed you of all that unfair responsibility.” He bit his lip and tapped his chin, “It’s almost symbolic of your life.”

“Symbolic, huh?” 

Just then, Roxas noticed he was quite a few steps ahead of Riku. The blond turned to see Riku looking skyward, one hand toying with his silver locks. Roxas could swear the other boy was fighting a blush.

Noticing his own pause, Riku quickly walked back up to Roxas’ side, “That’s quite the compliment.”

At the upper entrance to the shack, Riku explained how hit a palm tree to obtain coconuts. He talked about the ideal time for harvesting the juice or meat, and the easiest way to crack them with few tools. 

While jabbing at the trunk of a palm tree, Roxas stared up at the fronds expectantly.

“You just gotta be careful of how to shake it,” Riku coached him, “Otherwise you’d probably get a concussion when—”

Roxas let out a yelp and sprang out of the way as a coconut sped down from above. It landed before him with a heavy **_thud_ **.

“...that happens.” Riku finished. Then, he laughed. Hard.

At first, Roxas fumed… but seeing the normally cool-headed boy doubled over in laughter brought a smile to his face. Soon, he was giggling too.

On the other side of the island, they came up to a bridge that sat over a small lagoon of seawater.

“It’s less rickety than I remember it,” Roxas observed, “Er, well, not me specifically… but from **_his_ ** memories,” There was the image of Sora sprinting across the structure, leaping across the gaps, and feeling the wobble of the bridge under his feet as they jumped off onto solid ground.

“I restored it myself,” Riku stepped across the planks, and they accepted his weight without shifting or creaking. “Figured the newer generation of Destiny Island kids would appreciate fewer splinters.”

Tentatively, Roxas began to cross the bridge himself. When he was a few paces in front of Riku, he said, “I’m sure they also enjoy not dying an early death due to unfortunate falls.”

On the next step, Roxas’ foot gave way. He hadn’t even realized he was falling until a force encircled his chest, and the wind was knocked from his lungs as he was ripped back. He landed heavily on one side, and although his teeth clicked, he thankfully didn’t bite his tongue or knock his skull against the wood.

Riku’s voice came from above him, “Are you okay?!”

Groaning, Roxas rolled toward him, “I think so… although I think you missed a spot in your restoration attempts.”

Then, his heart clamored. Riku was leaning over him, with one arm stretched across his chest and the other propped up to lean over the blond.

In embarrassment, Roxas joked, “Did you bring me to this island just to make me cry and then murder me?”

Riku hung his head, silver bangs obscuring his eyes, “It sure seems like it, huh?” Riku pushed himself up off the blond, and Roxas scrambled to his feet before the other boy had a chance to offer another hand. “It’s always that same damn section... It used to fall all the time when we were kids. I thought I’d fixed it.”

Feeling sly, Roxas flashed the taller boy a smirk, “Make it up to me by giving me a paopu fruit.”

Riku, for the second time that day, flushed a bright red. “I…”

“To **_show_ **, not share,” He punctuated his response with a hearty laugh.

Riku scowled, “Are you actively trying to embarrass me?”

“I think it’s a suitable enough repayment for today.”

They headed back to the main section of the island, then across the bridge to the paopu tree. Riku scaled the drooping trunk with practiced ease. With a delicate hand, he plucked one of the star-shaped fruits from between the fronds. He removed the stem and held it out to the blond. It was small and still had a green tinge to it.

“Here. This one’s smaller and more sour than the others,” Riku smirked, “Kind of like you.”

Sneering up at the other boy, Roxas snatched the fruit and popped it into his mouth. The skin was a little tough and the inside was firm, kind of like an unripened nectarine. Though the tart flavor was expected, he had to force his face not to pinch in response. It was like chewing on a slightly more malleable sour gummy candy. It was absolutely divine.

He couldn’t help a contented sigh. The lingering sour flavor left his mouth watering. Just then, he noticed that Riku was staring at him; the silver-haired boy’s expression was unreadable.

“Good?” Riku asked.

Cautiously, Roxas crawled up the tree to come sit next to Riku. “Better than I expected.” He said, and settled into his spot by hugging his knees to his chest.

“Sitting on this little island brings back so many memories. Wakka, Selphie, Tidus, Sora, and I used to play-fight here all the time. It used to feel **_huge_** , like our very own battle arena. But now, **_I_** feel huge. Like I’ve gotten too big to even stand here.”

A foggy reel of memories drifted into Roxas’ mind. He could picture Riku’s childhood friends tumbling and striking among the trees and sand. The laughter rung in his head, like little jingling bells. It brought a smile to his face. It was so strange to think how those little play-skirmishes would eventually evolve into something so intense. The terror of battle, and the risk of your life at stake… it was admittedly thrilling. There was nothing quite like the sensation of it. No other adrenaline rush could possibly match it.

Roxas’ smile dropped.

Those last few fights though… they didn’t have that thrill. It was just pain and anger. Foggy heads and new limbs. Eyes opening for the first time in ages. Hot, dry air stinging the lungs. Many fights before that had just been agony in their own way.

Roxas wondered aloud, “Do you remember our last battle?”

“Of course. How could I forget? I won that fight.”

Roxas actually felt offended by this as he replied, “Are you kidding me? I definitely won. At the very least, it was a tie.”

“Rematch, then,” Riku glanced around hastily, “Er… maybe not here though. We might do some serious damage.”

Without hesitation, Roxas agreed. They returned to the beachfront, and Roxas called both Keyblades to himself. It felt welcoming, like laying in a warm bed after a long day or greeting an estranged friend. He hadn’t done it in a long time… entirely too long of a time. He tossed the Oblivion to the silver-haired boy. 

“Just like that last time, huh?” Riku asked.

“Only seems fair.”

They both grinned, as boys sharing a secret tend to do. It should have been a sad memory, but neither of them could help the smile tugging at their lips. Riku took the stance Roxas knew all too well, though he’d only seen it in person a couple of times. Roxas poised himself like he would have with two Keyblades—finding comfort in the familiarity.

There was a lull in the air. The island breeze caressed them, cooling their skin and jostling the fronds of the palm trees. The ocean churred as its waves crested in their peripherals. Both boys dug their feet into the sand. Each of them took a deep breath.

Then, they took flight—blades sweeping forward and clattering against one another.

Even on the open beach, the sound seemed to reverberate. The hit sent a shockwave down Roxas’ arms, vibrating his body in a way he hadn’t known he missed. Their eyes locked, and they pushed back. One side-step and their Keyblades met in a flurry of strikes. Riku’s blade arced down, the sunlight glinting off the black body of the Oblivion with each brutal strike. Before he knew it, Roxas was forced to the defensive. His breath was even in spite of the assault Riku was dealing. The silver-haired boy was fast, much faster than before… and Roxas was admittedly out of practice. Riku was laying blows so precise it would make even the most sure-handed surgeon nervous. It took everything in Roxas to maintain focus while also formulating a way to step back into an offensive stance.

He called deep down into his heart. Streaks of light appeared behind him and cascaded toward his opponent. Riku dodged back, but the smirk on his face showed he wasn’t worried. A glitter of light, and a shell of hexagonal panels shielded the taller boy. The light-pillars crashed forward and left massive gashes as they combed the sand. As each pillar hit, Riku’s shield rippled with the contact. Then, Riku lifted his blade. The shield exploded—glittering hexagons flying at Roxas like knives. Time seemed to slow as Roxas counted them: exactly eight in the air. 

He twisted his body, and three flew passed without so much as skimming him. In the background, he could see Riku’s shape moving at him, fast. He swiped the Oathkeeper left, and a hexagon skittered back into another two. One swipe up and one swipe across sent the last two spiraling toward Riku. The silver-haired boy dodged to the side by hurling his body to the wooden planks bordering the beach. The hexagons struck the sand and vanished into the air.

Pushing off from the planks, Riku came rocketing at Roxas. A lavender-colored aura was shimmering off his skin.

Roxas didn’t know this move. He felt the panic zip through his nerves like an electric jolt.

Dodge or block? Dodge or block?

If he dodges the wrong way, he’s done for.

The blow might be too strong to block.

He waited half a second longer.

Dodge or block?

His eyes scanned Riku’s movements—

Dodge or block?

He waited to see the twitch of a muscle, the angle of a hand—

Dodge.

He somersaulted out of the way, slipping perfectly beneath Riku’s slice. He snapped his fingers and a glare of light flicked across the silver-haired boy’s vision. While sliding away, Roxas sent his Keyblade spinning toward his target. Riku growled, skidding to a stop as the Oathkeeper was nearly upon him. 

Then, Riku laughed.

A metallic ring, and the Oathkeeper came soaring back to Roxas’ grasp.

“Don’t you remember, Roxas?” Riku taunted, “I function better in the dark.”

With eyes still shut tight, Riku turned toward Roxas. He stood tall in the light of the sun, his form partly silhouetted. He was the haunting visage of that blindfolded boy Roxas knew from the Memory’s Skyscraper. Goosebumps tickled the blond’s skin, and he had to exhale sharply to refocus.

Riku’s head tilted slightly. It was subtle, and incredibly brief, but Roxas caught the movement.

Suddenly, Riku was speeding back at him. His eyes were still closed. Roxas felt the tang of static in the air, watched Riku’s empty hand rise and his mouth move. Working quickly, Roxas launched himself upward and summoned a spiral of light to whip around his body.

The lightning skittered around the shore, and his light whip absorbed any stray streaks of it. Riku propelled himself into the air, and their blades clashed again.

Riku’s smile crinkled the corners of his shut eyes.

“No way,” Roxas snarled at him, “There’s no way I’m letting you beat me with your **_damn eyes closed._ **”

“Oh?” Riku chided, “So you admit I’m going to beat you?”

Scoffing, Roxas shoved the taller boy away. Before he hit the ground, Roxas glided soundlessly forward. He sent more pillars of light streaking toward Riku. They stabbed into the ground with a series of satisfying _shunks_. Hissing like enraged snakes, they slithered across the sand toward Riku.

Riku dodged the noisy onslaught, looking especially smug as he did so. Roxas closed in on him. He swung the Oathkeeper down as Riku dodged the last beam and, despite himself, let out a breath. The silver-haired boy’s expression hardened in realization.

Riku’s eyes opened, but it was just a half second too late.

Roxas brought the Oathkeeper down—

And their Keyblades went flying.

They skittered across the sand into a noisy heap on the sand.

Somehow, despite everything, Riku managed to parry Roxas’ blow so hard that it disarmed both of them.

The two boys blinked in surprise. They watched as the blades vanished in a flurry of white flecks and purple tendrils. Then, they turned to one another and laughed.

“I guess that’s another draw.” Roxas said.

“Evenly matched?”

“Not on your life!”

Looking satisfied, Riku gestured for Roxas to follow him. The blond obliged, and they crossed the beach. Riku led them all the way to the edge of the pier and plopped himself down. Roxas followed suit, swinging his legs to dangle off the edge. Riku stretched his body out by propping himself up on an elbow as his other arm rested on a bent knee. It was a position so practiced and comfortable to the silver-haired boy that it even made Roxas feel relaxed. He’d never imagined Riku could be so… laid back. The picture of Riku in his mind was a boy with a fixed frown and shoulders held so tight they would snap a normal person’s tendons.

Roxas found himself saying, “You’ve really changed a lot.”

Riku craned his head in Roxas’ direction, one silver brow arched. For some reason, it made Roxas’ breath catch. “Have I?”

Flicking his gaze down, Roxas began to half-heartedly drag a finger across a knot in the wood, “The image I have of you in my head, the person I know because of Sora… isn’t the Riku sitting here with me.”

“Do you… like the new me?” His voice sounded hopeful. Roxas didn’t want to look to see if his expression matched.

Roxas crossed his arms and smirked, “Haven’t decided yet.”

Riku snorted, “How about I tell you something that you and Sora couldn’t possibly know? Would that help your opinion?” Roxas nodded slowly, so Riku continued, “Sora always thought he was trying to keep up with me. When really, I was trying to keep up with him.”

Now it was Roxas’ turn to quirk a brow, “Interesting… I’m listening.”

“It always took me forever to learn anything, but Sora always picked stuff up **_so fast_ **. It was pretty miserable watching him take an hour to figure out something I learned over weeks. Maybe he never noticed, but… he never rubbed it in either. Not once.” He laughed, “I don’t know which pissed me off more. I was so set on being better than him that I would get tunnel vision. I even...” He trailed off and covered his face with a hand. “No, it’s embarrassing.”

A sly grin grew on Roxas’ face, “Oh this has gotta be good. Too late to back out now, Riku! Tell me.”

With a sigh, Riku dropped back completely onto the pier. “I tried to learn to play the ukelele in secret.”

Roxas pictured the small instrument looking even tinier in contrast to Riku’s lanky body and large hands. Moreover, it seemed comical for a boy with such a rough track record to be delicately strumming an upbeat tune on such an adorable thing. Roxas barked out a laugh, “You? Playing the ukelele?”

Riku waved a dismissive hand at him, “Yeah, whatever. Laugh it up. Anyway, a few months afterward, I was finally making progress. And guess who found out?”

Roxas didn’t even have to guess.

“No…”

“Oh yeah. And guess who decided they need to learn to play the ukelele **_with_ ** me?”

“NO…”

“That’s right. Convinced me to give him lessons and everything. Wanna guess how long it took him to learn?”

“A month. Wait—two months?”

“More like two **_weeks_ **.”

A cry erupted from Roxas amidst laughter, “ **_NO!_ **”

“Yup. I was doomed from the start. Still, I was always trying to find the thing that I could do that he couldn’t do. Something that I would be unmatched in,” He flexed his fingers, “Maybe that’s why the darkness came to me so easily. I was so desperate to be unique and powerful that it crept into me with no problem.”

“What changed?”

Riku leveled a somber gaze at Roxas, “I realize now that part of the fun is the challenge. If you’re never challenged by anyone, can you really get better? If there’s nothing to strive for, then you’ve plateaued.”

“What about now? Have you plateaued yet?”

Roxas regretted it as soon as he asked it. His eyes slid down to the pier. They’d proven just now that Roxas was a challenge. Yet another similarity, another blue-eyed echo, another way to fill the gap. He didn’t want to hear Riku say it, and he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself. Though he prepared himself for the words, his whole body tensed when he heard Riku speak.

“Roxas… this entire time, you’ve been comparing yourself to Sora,” Riku’s words cut into him, “Haven’t you?”

That wasn’t at all what he was expecting.

Roxas glanced up and was taken aback by Riku’s intense stare, “I—”

He cut Roxas off, “You keep bringing him up like you’re still stuck inside him. But you’re not. You’re your own person now. It’s okay to be different from him. You don’t have to keep comparing yourself,” Riku suddenly sat up, “I didn’t ask you to come here because I wanted to pretend I was with Sora. I asked you to come so I could **_be with_ ** —” He spluttered suddenly, “S-so I could **_spend time_ ** with **_you_ **.”

Even though Riku was blushing, that serious resolve remained unbroken. In that moment, Roxas realized Riku truly wasn’t looking at him as if he were Sora. Riku really was looking at him **_as Roxas,_ **and not somebody or anybody else. Had he been so blind to it this entire time?

Unable to tear his eyes from Riku, Roxas had to stifle a gulp. His own cheeks were beginning to flush, but he was somehow frozen solid like that. He took in the golden hue on Riku’s skin, the dashes of pink in his hair…

He ripped his eyes away to look at the horizon, “The sun is setting.”

Riku waited a moment before turning his head to take in the sight. Roxas released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

Suddenly, Riku’s eyebrows shot up and he jerked his body upwards to stand, “Wait here, I’ll be right back!”

Without consideration for a response, the taller boy dashed off and left Roxas to puzzle. When Riku returned a few minutes later, he was holding two glistening sea-salt ice cream pops. A wave of excitement swelled in Roxas, practically a conditioned sensation to the sight. Riku handed one of the popsicles to Roxas before sitting down again. Some shared gratitude later and Roxas began snacking on the treat.

He noticed Riku was staring down the pop, seemingly unsure of the sight.

“What’s wrong, Riku?” Roxas chided, “Forgotten how to eat ice cream?”

“I brought these because I know how much you love them, but… I’ve never had sea-salt ice cream.”

All of Roxas’ movement halted. “You **_what?_ **”

Riku shrugged, “I’ve had shave ice plenty of times, but not sea-salt ice cream.”

Looking down at his own pop, Roxas hummed, “Well, like the name implies… it’s a little salty, but mostly sweet.” He beamed at Riku, “Kind of like you.”

Riku sneered down at the blond, and took a bite out of the treat. He jumped a little, “Ah! Doing that felt weird on my teeth…”

“But the flavor?”

Roxas watched Riku’s expression melt as the flavor enveloped him: his fixed brows relaxed, his eyes slid closed, and a contented smile curled the corners of his mouth.

“Salty,” Riku nodded, “But sweet. Just like me?”

“ **_Exactly_ **like you.”

They sat in silence for a while: eating their ice cream, feeling the island breeze, and watching the sun slowly dip into the ocean. A cascade of colors was starting to bleed out into the sky, like someone pressed a paintbrush of warm hues into the horizon. It was entirely different from Twilight Town’s uniform orange, with its pinks, purples, and dark reds.

Unfortunately, Roxas couldn’t really bring himself to enjoy the moment. Despite their outward peace, Roxas’ brain was wracked with questions.

He wanted to know what Riku’s intention of bringing him here was. Riku already said he wanted to spend time with him, but all of this seemed like a lot of extra effort for something so small. Previously, Roxas had been sure that Riku’s intention had been to fill the Sora-shaped hole in his heart. After all, Roxas was Sora’s Nobody, though he was ultimately more like Ventus’ body clone than anything else. Still, Roxas was the closest approximation or Sora that existed… but Riku was so opposed to the idea. It seemed Riku was being more of an advocate for Roxas’ autonomy that even Roxas himself was.

On his last bite of ice cream, Roxas wanted to ask so many questions… but as he looked down at his now-empty popsicle stick, only one seemed to stand out in his mind.

“Riku, were you really trying to help save me? After your Mark of Mastery exam?”

“Of course.”

The curtness of the reply startled Roxas somewhat, “But… why? Why did it matter to you?”

_Why did_ **_I_ ** _matter to you?_

That time, the silver-haired boy had to consider this before he responded, “Because of what I had to do… because of the pain you had to go through… it was unfair. It was unfair to you, and unfair of me.”

“Is that why you’re spending time with me?” Roxas placed the popsicle stick down on the pier, “Is this a pity hangout?”

“No. This is a fresh-start hangout. This is a reset-button hangout.”

Heart thumping, Roxas’ first thought was, _A fresh start on what?_

Riku dropped his own stick down, “Roxas, when I took you back to DiZ, I wanted to just fix everything. I wanted Sora back, I wanted Xion to be okay even though I couldn’t remember her… and I wanted you to exist. The longer we watched you in the digital Twilight Town, the more it hurt to see you. You were so happy. I was so desperate to save you. To just get this whole mess dealt with and get you to a life you could actually live. So I could be with you.” 

Admittedly, it did make Roxas deeply happy to hear that Riku truly did care enough to go through so much for Roxas. He knew it took a lot of effort to save him, but hearing that it was such a priority warmed his heart. He almost felt vain for it—

All at once, Riku’s last sentence settled over him.

Every single one of Roxas’ nerves fired at once, and his body went rigid. His heart was thudding against his ribs, and his lungs petrified inside of him. He very suddenly became worried he was in a dream, and that moving might cause him to wake up. Surely Riku meant something else. Something innocent enough. Something less sweet and more platonic. Something… other than what Roxas was perceiving.

“Roxas, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything—”

“Riku, it’s okay,” Roxas interjected, hoping his nervousness wouldn’t shake his voice, “You don’t have to apologise. We can just sit here if you want.”

“That’s the thing Roxas, I don’t want to just sit here.”

_Good,_ Roxas thought, _because neither do I._

Riku continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you sooner. I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve ever caused you, and I’m sorry for every moment you didn’t get to be yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t get to be with you sooner.”

Roxas felt Riku’s hand on his.

He almost couldn’t believe it, but when he looked down, it was definitely there. Warm, with long fingers, and black gloves that brushed over Roxas’ knuckles. He could imagine every callus from Riku’s Keyblade handle, and wondered if they might match his. His entire body felt flushed. He wasn’t sure if he could muster the courage to meet Riku’s eyes… but he did. Their intensity made his breath catch.

This was who Riku was. His smile could steal you away in the dead of night, then return you unharmed in the early dawn. He was all fair skin, and sparkling eyes, and silver tresses. He was like the moon hanging over the ocean, like the cresting sun peeking over the horizon. This was the Riku that Roxas had caught glimpses of. This was the Riku that Roxas wanted to know.

What had Riku been planning this whole time?

Before today, Riku had been a mess.

After that first wretched time he and Roxas had to fight, he felt it. That twist in his heart, like a searing prong gouging his chest. At first he thought it may have been a severe case of melancholy brought on by the sensation of missing Sora and seeing so much of Sora reflected in the Nobody.

But he’d never had feelings like that for Sora. Not even for Kairi.

The guilt clutched him as he observed Roxas through the computer screen. Each time he stepped into the fake world, the same prong snagged between his ribs. When he saw Roxas, it stabbed his lungs, hooked easily into his heart, and choked his throat with blood. It was beyond agony.

When Sora awakened, Riku was both elated with relief and beside himself in grief. But when Sora decided he would find a way to free Roxas, a hope crackled inside the silver-haired boy. With each passing day, he’d grown more confident that Sora could fulfil this miracle. Maybe he and Roxas could finally get to know one another the way it should have been: no fear, no struggle, no anguish, no agony.

At the Keyblade Graveyard, things could have been far worse. Even so, Riku wasn’t expecting Sora to sacrifice himself. He was devastated, but not completely surprised. And Riku’s grief, despite all that he tried to fight it, had nearly drowned him. He knew it wouldn’t have been a burden to lean on anyone but, still, he refused to. He bore his sadness alone by his own choice. That was always how he’d done it, and that was what he needed at the time.

He spent many of those darker days with Namine. He helped her get reacquainted with the world, and in doing so was able to redirect much of his sadness. Through it all, though, he was always wondering about Roxas. He would wonder aloud about Roxas. He would describe his regrets and what he would have changed about the situation. He would ask about Roxas from mutual friends and those who’d gone to visit Twilight Town. He hadn’t realized how bad it was until Namine pointed it out to him.

“Riku, you’ve worked so hard for so much,” She told him, “But I’m not the one you need with you right now.”

And it shocked Riku to realize she was right. This entire time, painfully obvious as it was, he’d been wanting to be with Roxas. Riku longed to celebrate this victory with him, and finally get to know who the blue-eyed boy really was.

Riku decided that he and Roxas needed a day to get acquainted. He planned an adventure for them: he would stash some sea-salt ice cream in a cooler, pick Roxas up, they would explore any world of the blond’s choosing, eat their ice cream at sunset and…

Then what? 

The prong twisted again at the thought, but he stuffed the sensation down.

This was just purely for kindling a friendship… purely for getting to know each other on completely innocent terms. 

But his heart still burned at the thought of being near this boy who had appeared on the battlefield before him. He practically dreamt of seeing Roxas’ smile in person. He wanted to know every detail of the other boy—to sit and learn from him for hours.

It made him feel foolish to so desperately want someone he hardly knew... so down, down, **_down_ ** he stuffed those feelings... until his chest felt concave from the effort. 

When Riku went to pick Roxas up, he didn’t know what he was expecting. He saw the emotion swelling in Roxas’ eyes inside the Usual Spot, so it only felt right to offer a hug when they were outside. He definitely wasn’t anticipating holding Roxas in his arms as the shorter boy cried into his shoulder.

“He’s **_gone,_ **” Roxas sobbed.

The heartache that was once dulled came ripping back through him, and tears threatened his eyes. Had Roxas been holding onto all of this mourning on his own? Suddenly, Riku felt tremendously guilty that he hadn’t gotten there sooner. Of all things Riku did know about Roxas, it was that the smaller boy wouldn’t want to burden his friends with these emotions. He and Roxas were incredibly similar in this way.

Suddenly, Riku wanted to say, _“Let’s never cry alone again.”_

But when he opened his mouth to speak, the hot prong plunged into him and silenced him. He felt childish for already craving far too much too soon. Roxas pulled away then, and he was grateful for it. Any longer and he might have said or done something he couldn’t take back.

Seeing Roxas so shattered with grief made him change his plans for the day. It seemed they had quite a few loose ends to tie up. Now, there was an especially important place for them to visit.

On the gummi ship ride over, Riku’s brain was a storm of conversation-starters. Unfortunately, his nervousness petrified him into complete silence. He figured Roxas would begin a discussion with him at some point… and yet, the blond was equally silent. He worried Roxas felt uncomfortable and, afraid that he might make it worse, chose to stare straight forward.

In the Secret Place, he almost slipped up. He had already been flustered by Roxas’ jesting at the entrance, and it hurt to see Roxas in tears again. He didn't realize what he was doing until he had already grabbed Roxas’ chin.

“That’s the Sora I knew,” He said, and tightened his trembling lips. He wanted to yank the other boy to him, to wrap himself around the blond and not let another tear escape outside their embrace. He forced himself to pull his hand away, realizing he wanted to comfort Roxas with more than just an embrace.

On the beach they talked about the person Roxas had become, and Riku took the opportunity to fill in his own observations. 

“You’re reckless sometimes, but not in a disastrous way. You’re very independent, but you’re more comfortable with the people around you. You’re a bit of a pessimist, but that doesn’t stop you from smiling. It’s obvious you’re ambidextrous, but you always swing your Keyblade with your right arm first,” Riku shrugged, “I don’t know what **_that_ ** says about your personality, but… that’s all I can think of for now. Am I missing anything?”

Roxas stopped walking and blinked at him, “What?”

“I said, ‘That’s all I can think of for now. Am I missing anything?’”

Roxas was looking at him as if he expected Riku to complete an unfinished thought.

“...no.” He said, finally, “I think our perception of ‘Roxas’ lines up pretty well.”

Roxas continued to enchant and delight him as they trekked across the island. He had to fight a blush when Roxas complimented his hair, and he practically died of laughter when Roxas attempted some coconut farming. Riku took him to the old bridge where they could cross over the lagoon.

“It’s less rickety than I remember it,” Roxas said, “Er, well, not me specifically… but from **_his_ ** memories.”

Riku took it as a compliment, “I restored it myself,” He stepped across the planks and allowed himself to be proud of his work, “Figured the newer generation of Destiny Island kids would appreciate fewer splinters.”

Roxas started walking across the bridge himself. A few paces in front of Riku, he said, “I’m sure they also enjoy not dying an early death due to unfortunate falls.”

Riku heard the snap before he saw Roxas’ foot give way—the horrific sound embedded into his subconscious as a trama he’d nearly forgotten. Instinct flooded him, and he leapt forward to wrap an arm around Roxas’ torso. With all his might, he pulled them both back from the precarious edge. He tried to focus Roxas’ weight onto him and not the wooden bridge as they landed heavily. Then, Riku propped himself up so he could inspect the blond underneath him.

“Are you okay?!”

Groaning, Roxas rolled toward him, “I think so… although I think you missed a spot in your restoration attempts.” The proximity between them was wracked with static, but Riku barely had a chance to register it when Roxas followed up with, “Did you bring me to this island just to make me cry and then murder me?”

Riku hung his head, “It sure seems like it, huh?” He pushed himself up off the blond and tried to change the subject before he could become flustered, “It’s always that same damn section... It used to fall all the time when we were kids. I thought I’d fixed it.”

Roxas flashed the taller man a smirk, “Make it up to me by giving me a paopu fruit.”

The searing prong tore straight through his chest, practically knocking the wind out of him, “I—”

“To **_show_ **, not share,” Roxas punctuated his response with a hearty laugh.

Riku scowled, not wanting to think about his mild disappointment, “Are you actively trying to embarrass me?”

“I think it’s a suitable enough repayment for today.”

Watching Roxas eat that paopu fruit practically sent him over the edge. He observed as the blond’s face relaxed, listened as a sigh slipped past parted lips… parted lips…

Roxas glanced up at him, and Riku thought about how easy it would be to just **_lean down_ **—

“Good?” Riku asked.

Roxas crawled up the tree to come sit next to Riku. “Better than I expected.”

More and more, Riku was becoming desperate for a change of subject.

He wasn't sure exactly why the prospect of a rematch was so exciting to him. It felt like a long time since they had fought anything or anyone. When Roxas threw the Oblivion to him, the damn poker stabbed right into his sternum. Though the pain of guilt felt fresh as ever, that battle had been marvelous anyway. When Roxas shared his smile, he knew the feeling was mutual. When their blades clashed, it was a marvel all over again. His heart sang, and his skin prickled with sweat, and he fought with all that he had. Unsurprisingly, they had been evenly matched yet again.

Or so he presumed.

“Not on your life!” Roxas had insisted, and Riku secretly loved to hear the determination in his voice.

Mere moments later, Riku didn't think he'd ever be sharing the ukulele secret with anyone. Even Kairi and Namine didn’t know about this plight... yet, there he was: commiserating this hilarious tragedy with none other than Roxas.

“I realize now that part of the fun is the challenge. If you’re never challenged by anyone, can you really get better? If there’s nothing to strive for, then you’ve plateaued.”

“What about now? Have you plateaued yet?”

In an instant, a shroud of regret had suddenly encircled the blond. It was an innocent enough of a question, yet it seemed to drag Roxas’ entire soul downward.

And… something about Roxas’ expression struck Riku. He remembered it from that day at Memory’s Skyscraper. It was the same look Roxas had when Sora’s rebellious voice slipped out of him, as if it were a death rattle. That expression had haunted Riku.

Then, it dawned on him: Roxas had been bringing Sora into the conversation consistently since they had arrived. Riku hadn't paid it any mind until that moment, and realized with a pang of newfound guilt that Roxas had been using Sora as a mirror **_all day_ **.

“Roxas… this entire time, you’ve been comparing yourself to Sora… haven’t you?”

Roxas glanced up, looking surprised, “I—”

Riku cut him off, “You keep bringing him up like you’re still stuck inside him. But you’re not. You’re your own person now. It’s okay to be different from him. You don’t have to keep comparing yourself,” He suddenly sat up, “I didn’t ask you to come here because I wanted to pretend I was with Sora. I asked you to come so I could **_be with_ ** —” The words hitched in his throat as the prong speared them, “S-so I could **_spend time_ ** with **_you_ **.”

He wasn’t even sure if those were the rights words to say. Or even the words he **_needed_ **to say. Or even the words Roxas needed to hear. He just stared at the blond, willing every drop of kindness in his heart to flood the space between them and fill the other boy up. Roxas seemed frozen in time—the illusion was barely disrupted by the island breeze tousling his blond hair.

Riku had been working up to say something else when Roxas’ stare shifted toward the horizon.

“The sun is setting.”

After a short pause, Riku turned his head to look. All at once, he remembered the ice cream sitting inside a cooler in the gummi ship. He scrambled to his feet.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back!”

He returned with the popsicles, and Roxas’ instant change in mood greatly relieved him. It almost made him forget he hadn’t ever had sea-salt ice cream before, right up until he was staring uneasily at the pop.

Roxas hummed, “Well, like the name implies… it’s a little salty, but mostly sweet.” He beamed at Riku, “Kind of like you.”

It was Riku’s turn to sneer as he went for his treat. He bit down, and the bizarre noise combined with the cold sensation made him jump. “Ah! Doing that felt weird on my teeth…”

“But the flavor?”

Much like the ice cream in his mouth, Riku melted. The initial tang of the salt mollified into sweetness, accentuating the vanilla flavors and bringing them into the forefront on his palette.

“Salty,” He nodded, “But sweet. Just like me?”

“ **_Exactly_ **like you.”

They sat for some time in silence, and Riku was enjoying every peaceful second of it. Chunk after chunk of heavenly ice cream draped over his tongue, until the stick was damp and bare. The sunset had been especially vibrant today with its wide strokes of vivid hues across the horizon. To top it all off, he was finally in Roxas’ company and just… being. Just existing. A beautiful moment of nothing, just like Roxas had described earlier in the day.

The peaceful silence was broken when Roxas asked, “Riku, were you really trying to help save me? After your Mark of Mastery exam?”

Riku didn’t hesitate in responding because he already had the answer, “Of course.”

“But… why? Why did it matter to you?”

This, Riku had to contemplate. He thought of the sorrow in Roxas’ eyes, the anger in his voice, their heated battle, carrying Roxas’ limp body to DiZ’s hideout, the stick—Zeus, that stick. It was almost comical to think of now. He wanted to apologize for throwing it so damn hard—for grabbing and pushing Roxas so roughly time and time again afterward. He tossed and tossed and **_tossed_** that money bag as a way to punish DiZ’s laziness. Always within earshot, until his own arm was screaming in pain from the repetitive action. Seriously, how hard would it have been to make one beach? The bandaged man practically shrieked at Riku (at least as best as he could with that gruff voice) when his annoyance reached its peak, _“Stop juggling that_ ** _BLASTED_** _bag in my ear!”_

But that was all inconsequential at this point. What mattered now was for Riku to tell Roxas how he truly felt. Not just in repentance for his actions... but for all of it. He was sick of putting up filters and acting like his emotions weren’t real. He was sick of pretending not to feel anything. He owed it to Roxas not to.

“Because of what I had to do… because of the pain you had to go through… it was unfair. It was unfair to you, and unfair of me.”

“Is that why you’re spending time with me?” Roxas placed his popsicle stick down on the pier, “Is this a pity hangout?”

“No. This is a fresh-start hangout. This is a reset-button hangout. Riku dropped his own stick down, “Roxas, when I took you back to DiZ, I wanted to just fix everything. I wanted Sora back, I wanted Xion to be okay even though I couldn’t remember her… and I wanted you to exist. The longer we watched you in the digital Twilight Town, the more it hurt to see you. You were so happy. I was so desperate to save you… to just... get this whole mess dealt with and get you to a life you could actually live.” He shoved the words out of him before he had a chance to change his mind. “So I could be with you.”

There was a dreadfully long pause… one in which Riku watched an expression of shock slowly creep onto Roxas’ face. Unfazed, Riku continued.

“Roxas, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything—”

“Riku, it’s okay,” Roxas interjected, “You don’t have to apologize. We can just sit here if you want.”

“That’s the thing Roxas,” His resolve flooded him, “I don’t want to just sit here.”

Riku thought, _I can’t just sit here. Not anymore._

“I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you sooner. I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve ever caused you, and I’m sorry for every moment you didn’t get to be yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t get to be with you sooner.”

Then, he did it.

It was the simplest of motions but, in that moment, it meant everything.

He reached over and grabbed Roxas’s hand.

The blond looked up at him, and Riku could hear Roxas’ breath hitching.

This was who Roxas was. He glowed like midsummer sun pressing into sunset. His eyes were deeper than the ocean and could see right through you, all your possible guises, and down into who you truly are. He had stubbornness nearing the strength of mountains, but still retaining kindness as soft and warm as a summer’s breeze. This was the Roxas that Riku had admired from afar. This was the Roxas that Riku wanted to know.

The prong was now smoldering liquid metal sliding through his veins. 

“I want to kiss you,” Riku said, and it sent Roxas’ head spinning.

“Why don’t you?”

“I want to ask your permission first.”

Roxas laughed and it turned Riku’s skin to gooseflesh, “Then **_ask_ **, you ass!

“Can I—”

But Roxas was already closing the distance.

The sweet scent of vanilla filled their nostrils as their lips met. The first kiss was firm and unsure, but electric as casting _Thundaga_. With each boy getting used to the sensation of one another’s mouths, they pressed, and repressed, and pressed again—aiming to find a comfortable synchronicity.

Roxas’ hand was shaking as he reached up to search for Riku’s hair. Somehow he expected his fingers would snag on long silver locks, but instead they glided through the short tresses without incident. It was strange to think of the Riku he would be kissing now was a completely different version of the one he’d romanticized in his head. Every kiss left him dizzier than the last, as if Riku was siphoning pieces of his spirit with each one. Riku worked his mouth in a way that was both delicate and firm, soft and solid. Roxas felt like he was being held secure, but melting away all at once. 

Chills rattled across Riku’s body as Roxas’ fingers curled in his hair. He leaned down into the shorter boy, moving one of his arms to wrap tentatively around Roxas’ waist. His hands pressed into the small of Roxas’ back, and his heart danced around in his chest. He could feel Roxas’ toned muscles, ribs, spine… with each inch of exploration, he pulled the blond a little closer. He wanted to be pressed fully to Roxas, to feel every segment of his body and see how they fit against his own. 

Riku breathed into his mouth, asking him for something. Roxas didn’t care what it was, he just wanted Riku to keep going. He nodded against the taller boy’s mouth, and then felt a shift in gravity. In a mere second, they were falling against the pier with Riku making sure to protect him against the wood. They laid on their sides with arms pressed in awkward arrangements below their bodies as their usable hands explored one another. Blue-tinged tongues swiped and flicked, tasting and teasing, jutting and wanting. Maybe it was their difference in size, but Roxas felt strangely vulnerable wrapped up in Riku’s arms. Had they not been enraptured in the pursuit of one another’s mouths, he would have been happy to ball up and sleep like that.

Riku angled his head and strung a series of kisses from the corner of Roxas’ mouth up to the corner of a sea-blue eye. Roxas scrunched up his nose and giggled. His fingertips were working circles into the place where Riku’s hair met the base of his neck.

Roxas whined, “That feels weird.” 

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you there all day. I should have done it the first time you started crying. I never want you to be sad and alone ever again.”

To Riku surprise, Roxas responded with a melodramatic groan. “Ugh, you **_sap_ **.” He pulled Riku forward and lifted his head to press his lips into Riku’s neck. He craned his neck and kissed all the way up to Riku’s ear, each one sending a tingling wave across his skin. When Roxas made it to the silver-haired boy’s ear, he whispered, “The same goes for you, okay?”

Riku nodded, “I promise.”

Then, Roxas worked his mouth back down across Riku’s cheek, until their lips met again. Roxas’ breath seemed sweet, but maybe that was from the ice cream. Riku didn’t really care. He’d buy entire truckloads of sea-salt ice cream and use the discarded sticks to create a statue in Roxas’ honor just to make the other boy happy.

Just then, an unruly thought broke through the enchantment of Roxas’ kisses. He pulled away suddenly, causing the blond to look shocked and concerned.

“Roxas,” Riku said, “I am so sorry about the stick.”

He then realized how vague the statement was… but as he opened his mouth to clarify, Roxas guffawed.

“I should be apologizing about the stick! I threw it first!”

“I threw it harder, though…”

Smirking up at him, Roxas responds, “Not evenly matched, then?”

And what was strange about that moment was that Riku thought about falling. Falling, but not tripping or slipping. More like diving into the ocean, and descending deep down into the water. That first shock of cold, and having to hold your breath, and feeling yourself drift… but then you open your eyes, and it’s a completely different world. Something more comforting, simple, and blue.

And then Riku felt like an even bigger sap when he realized this was all because he was looking into Roxas’ eyes.

As he dipped down kiss Roxas again, he muttered, “Not on your life.”

* * *

_Exeunt_

* * *

A/N: You can thank the ReMind release for this fic getting posted.

Look. I’m grateful we’re getting an update to the Kingdom Hearts story this soon. BUT I am annoyed at myself for fussing around with what was going into this story instead of just writing it. Ehm: AGONY!

I think I inflict a lot of my own feelings on these characters because I have a savior complex when it comes to Roxas. The intro to KHII just fucked me up so badly that I’ve been desperate for him to be saved since 2008. When Sora decided that rescuing Roxas was his primary goal in KHIII, I practically started crying tears of joy. Like a damn child. Like I was a kid playing the game for the first time. What the hell? Why do I care so much about a damn fictional character? I couldn’t tell you why.

I think Sora and Roxas deserved a better reunion too… so be on the lookout for that.

 **Edit:** I left a note at the top saying [Post-KH3 and Pre-ReMind], but that meant when I'd written it and not where it took place in the game's timeline. I realized that may be a little confusing so I removed it.

**_References and Inspiration:_ **

  * _This was mainly inspired by a user on Tumblr named softbubu. They made a post saying, “trying to find rikuroku fanfics that don’t involve riku replacing sora with roxas is so irritating // CAN THEY NOT” I dunno if this counts, but it’s the OPPOSITE! Roxas is comparing himself to Sora, wheras Riku sees him as his own person. lol! If they ever read this, I hope they like it because I have the same issue (and have been guilty of the same issue) with RikuRoku. In the future, I hope to write more of the RikuRoku fanfics that softbubu is looking for._


  * I wanted to try writing this with reckless teenage love in mind. Being in love at that age is so enrapturing and intense, and so this is my attempt at capturing that.


  * Massive shoutout to Bio-Roxas on YouTube for their breakdown on Riku and Roxas’ combat styles. It really helped me with the fight scene. (If this scene feels familiar to you, you may remember a similar one from my SoRoku fic Glancing the Abyss. I had so much fun writing it that I wanted to try writing another one.)


  * Thank you to the Kingdom Hearts Wiki and Ultimania for character traits I needed help remembering.


  * A bunch of random Fall Out Boy songs. They’re my go-to for writing RikuRoku it seems?


  * “Dissolve” by Absofacto. The radio will not stop playing this song. I kind of love it.


  * “Agony” from Into the Woods. I don’t know why??? I haven't seen this movie or play in 500 years. I just kept thinking of it when I was writing Riku’s perspective switch.



* * *

**Some News:**

I now have a Twitter for more frequent and less wordy updates! You can follow me **@mewsomniac.**

Drabbles _were_ incoming, but they kept turning into full stories… such as this one. Go figure.

**_SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU, THE READER:_ **

Did the prong metaphor work consistently? Does what it represents seem clear to you, or no? What did you think about Riku’s characterization? How did you feel about Roxas being hung up on comparisons to Sora, rather than Riku? Most importantly… what are you most excited about for ReMind?!

I would appreciate your critique so I may take it into future fics!

-+-

**Thanks for your help! Please please PLEASE favorite, review, ask questions, send kudos, add bookmarks… anything!**


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